Humor

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, “Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?”
The man below said, “Yes, you’re in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field.”
“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist.
“I am,” replied the man. “How did you know?”
“Well,” said the balloonist, “everything you have told me is technically correct, but it’s of absolutely no use to anyone.”
The man below said, “You must be in management.”
“I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the man, “you don’t know where you are, or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault.”

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

There are three engineers in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineer suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer comes up with a suggestion, “Why don’t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it’ll work.”

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician have a contract to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.
The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.
The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.
The mathematician thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.

“Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.”